Reclaim your confidence.
I’m continually surprised by how often my successful clients are plagued by self-doubt. While self-doubt can drive leaders to continually improve, if too strong it can cause them to miss opportunities or not pursue them in the first place. On more than one occasion, I’ve been told that a client has historically been passed over for promotions because they lacked “executive presence” or didn’t come across confidently in an interview. Addressing this issue is often a focus of my coaching. If you feel that a lack of confidence might be holding you back, keep the following in mind:
Your self-doubt can be a superpower - a healthy level of self doubt keeps you open to new ideas and drives you to continually look for ways to improve and grow. Conversely, leaders with too much confidence or self-acceptance can be resistant to feedback or new ways of doing things.
You can be confident AND humble - often leaders worry that if they project confidence, it might be perceived as arrogance. Growing up, humility was treated as a virtue in my family and those that were arrogant were treated with disdain. This led me to see it as a choice - I can be humble or arrogant. This caused me to hide my talents when talking to others or to overly engage in self-deprecation. It’s been useful for me to think about people in my life that are both confident and humble. Simply having a model for confident humility helped me see that it is possible and is something I can strive for.
Look in the mirror - Sometimes you need to be reminded of your talents. If you are hard-wired to see your weaknesses, step outside of yourself to see your strengths. Ask colleagues to describe your strengths as often they can see things that you cannot. Be sure to write down what they say and come back to those words from time to time when you need a boost of confidence.
Identify your triggers - Certain situations or individuals can trigger a lack of confidence. One of my clients has always revered education and was less confident when in the presence of others with impressive degrees from prestigious universities. It was helpful for her to identify this so that she can be more conscious of it while reminding herself of what she is bringing to those interactions.
SHOW your confidence - for confidence to be effective, you have to not only FEEL confident, you have to SHOW confidence. Interestingly, there can be a circular relationship between these two things. Professor Amy Cuddy from Harvard Business school has done some fascinating research on how one’s posture can affect their brain chemistry and ultimately how they feel.